JSC: Re-Cap

The Joint Spouses Conference took place at Hickam AFB this year. It was my first conference like this and I plan to continue going until we PCS from here.

I don't have as many beautiful pictures to share with you as Annie did... partly because my first two work-shops were Stand Up Paddle Boarding and I didn't really envision my Canon Rebel enjoying the hot interior of my car very well for 2.5hrs. However, I took my little Olympus Waterproof and Annie let me borrow our group photo!

Finally meeting Jennifer & Annie!

I arrived pretty early in order to register and find a seat for breakfast. I ran into a couple of ladies from the LINKS and MCFTB classes I had taken at our base, they were excited to see me there. The breakfast buffet was huge and almost overwhelming, it took me forever to decide what I wanted to eat! After breakfast we sat down in the conference room for the opening ceremony. I will say that having a room full of military spouses stand with their hands over their hearts for the National Anthem is quite a sight to see. No hemming or hawing or wishing the singer would hurry up and not draw out his notes. Just quiet reverence, smiles, and even a few tears.

After the opening ceremony was done we headed out for workshops #1 & #2, like I said above, mine took place in the water! I had actually SUP'd the weekend before with my dad. I learned on an 11' board so I made sure I tried a smaller one this time around (10'6") I loved it, it was much more maneuverable for me. I want one so bad... *hint-hint "santa"*

After SUPing we changed and headed to lunch. Lunch wasn't really impressive, some sort of cold beef salad... however, desert was pretty good.

I felt kind of bad though because it was a scone and all of our spoons were clanking while the guest speaker was doing her thing. I think Kimberly Dozier is a good speaker (she is a journalist, so she knows how to address a crowd) but I'm not sure her story was completely applicable to all of us. Myself personally... yes, we have friends in the Wounded Warrior Barracks. Hearing her describe her brush with death then recovery and healing was insightful. It was also a bit terrifying, we know that our husbands' go to war, but sometimes we don't need to know all of the gruesome details until he comes home and feels the need to tell us (if ever). That being said I did purchase her book and wait in line for her to autograph it. While that was cool, I really just waited in line to talk to her. I asked her why she wanted to speak to a group of military spouses. She said that there is no other group of women out there that would be able to sympathize or learn from her story. I guess I get that.

After lunch I had three work-shops that were just "fillers" because I didn't register early enough to get the classes that I really wanted. I had "Your ideal life," "How does your garden grow?," and "Bento box Hawaiian quilting." None of them were amazing, but I did learn some useful tips for growing a veggie/herb garden on my lanai (patio) and I did actually start a Hawaiian quilt square, but I confess it's sitting in it's little bento box 2.5wks later with no further progress.

Next year my plan is to register as soon as it opens, even if I have to wake up super early! I didn't win any of the drawings or the silent auction items, but I had a nice day overall. The wine and pupus (appetizers) at the end of the day were really good accompanied with enjoyable conversation with  Annie & Jennifer. If you're in Hawaii, I hope to see you there next year!

Monday: Pick-Me-Up

I'm at the "wishing time would slow down" part of this pre-deployment. I am definitely trying to enjoy life each day no matter what it or the marine corps throws at us! Food poisoning? We can still go sit on the beach. 18.5hr work-days? We can still cuddle on the couch watching a movie until we fall asleep. They aren't ideal situations to have occur in the last few weeks together... but... what can you do?!


*Also, I have a question for you! Would you be willing to participate in a "Monday: Pick-Me-Up" Linky Party? I'd make a fun button and you could link-up on this post every Monday. I know that in general Monday's are the least favorite day of the week so if we all flooded our blogs with a "pick-me-up" wouldn't that be fun? Let me know by commenting or participating in the poll at the top of the right column. Thanks!

rearing it's ugly head

My recent issues with anxiety and panic attacks aren't a secret {here, here, or here}... I just don't like talking about them because I get disappointed with myself. I get disappointed that even with my faith, reading the Bible, and prayers (by myself and others) I WAS doing better. However, I feel like instead of complete healing this week I am reverting. During the day I know that the deployment is getting ever so close but I work through it, I try to spend every second of the hour (or two) that I do get with my husband after he's worked a 16.5hr shift being positive and not thinking about him leaving... but my mind plays evil tricks on me. "Enjoy this, soon you won't be able to touch him, see his face, or hear him." Then I break down into tears and my poor husband just sits there and takes me being an emotional mess. Not the kind of "bonding time" I had in mind for our last weeks together.

I'm not sleeping so I'm exhausted.

My heart races all night so my chest has a dull ache in the morning.

My stomach is constantly in knots so I never feel 100%.

This sounds terrible... but I'm hoping once he actually leaves my body sucks it up. He'll be gone, so I can't dread his leaving me. I really can't imagine going through this nightly for an entire deployment... *sigh*

I have a meeting with the doctor tomorrow about my medications/travel arrangements (visiting family for Christmas)... I know she's going to want to start weaning me off my anxiety medication, but despite the fact that it can become addictive I don't know if that's a good idea in the weeks leading up to my husband's departure. Especially since all the above has continued to happen even while on it... I guess we'll see what happens.

Do any of you struggle with pre-deployment anxiety/panic attacks?
Did they go away, or is it a once you get them you have them type of deal?
If you don't want to comment for personal reasons, feel free to e-mail me:
skinniepiggie{at}gmail.com

I just want to be happy again,