conflicted

I'm feeling so conflicted and torn lately it's ridiculous. The worst part - it's all coming from me. ME.

First. This blog.
I love this blog- I love that I have entered a community all it's own. The military spouse blogging community. I love reading your comments, your advice, your input, then hopping over to yours and doing the same. But, this blog didn't start out as a military spouse blog. It started out as my inspiration blog (think pinterest 3yrs before it's time, haha), then as I found you wonderful ladies I thought I'd found a "niche." I'm not so sure. I feel conflicted (there's that word again), like I'm dipping my feet into the water and not ready to make the jump. Not that I can fully... you will never be able to see my husband's face or learn our names. That's just a fact. But, I feel like because of this there is so much I can't share with you/won't share with you. I have a personal blog for my family and close friends, so it's not killing me. But I often wonder- why is "Skinnie Piggie" even out there? Why do people read, follow, actually comment on someone they can {probably} never truly know? *I say probably because I have met up with three lovely ladies, they just know that in the blog world I will forever be known as Skinnie.

Second. Home.
Some people would say that I am currently home. And while, in the sense that I was born, raised, and my family is still here, yes... Arizona is and forever will be considered "my home." However, I'm talking about going home... to Hawaii. I consider wherever I am living with (or without) my husband to be my current home. Right now the conflict (yep, again) with this is... seeing the uniforms, hair cuts, tattoos, buses, vehicles, hearing the weapons from the range on the hill, and not breaking down because my short-haired-uniform-and-tatooed-hottie-of-a-husband-left-on-a-bus-is-using-a-humvee-and-toting-around-a-couple-of-those-guns-I'll-be-hearing-up-the-hill. Here in Arizona-land I haven't completely escaped the "military life" but it's definitely not so in your face as living on base and waking up to an empty house.


Third. Pets.
In exactly one week it will mark a year since we gave away Beans & Twix. In my entire life (save 3-6mo with the internship/getting married/moving) I've never gone so long without having a furry friend. We grew up constantly having two dogs in the house. When I was nine years old I decided I was responsible enough for my own pet and the guinea pig epidemic began. With my family I have lived through four dogs (#5 is still kicking & now they have #6 who is ridiculously cute) and four guinea pigs. Then add on the two guinea pigs my husband and I had when we first got married and that's quite a lot of animal love. I miss having a fur-baby to cuddle up with, especially when my husband is away. Enter my conflicting ( I promise this is the last one) thoughts about getting another pet: I don't have a yard and that almost instantaneously rules out a dog. Hubby and I like BIG dogs and big dogs only, we need a yard and preferably a doggie door. Yes, it could work without a yard and without a door... but that seems unfair to such a large and free roaming animal. A guinea pig is also much easier to find a sitter for when you go on vacation- which we tend to like and since we live so far away it tends to be for a long period of time. They are also pretty clean.

I'm sure I'm thinking too much into all of these.
But these are major concerns of mine lately.
Sigh. Such is life.