Friday, December 30, 2011

Where did 2011 go?!

2011 seemed like one of those terrible-wonderful years, that felt really long but now that it has come to an end I can't figure out how it flew by so quickly...


I posted about TOMS Shoes... that post is still the #1 visited post overall on my blog. I had to call the cops over a domestic dispute. I had to give away my babies... We experienced many PCS woes and trials.

TMO came and went and I moved home for a month and a half while my husband attended a school.  I wrote about TOMS Shoes again, it is my #2 most visited post overall. We celebrated Valentine's day apart. Finally, I threw a really fun bridal shower for my best friend!

I participated in a a wedding ring link-up which became my #3 most visited post overall! I expressed my distaste with the entertainment industry, talked about my words, went to California then back to the east coast, and finally sold my car.

I was delighted that we got to spend a whirlwind day in NYC & New Jersey before PCSing... especially visiting Carlo's Bakery! I filled out the milSpouse survey, told you in detail about our CRAZY 24hr PCS adventure, then about my first week in Hawaii, and introduced my first "skinnie secret."

Osama Bin Laden was killed and I wrote my feelings down about the subject. We went to the Spam Jam, I whined about finding a house, shared the 100 Work-out and talked about stretched out pony-tails (I did find ones that work, it will be on my to-post list!), and discussed the hotel life.

I shared about the Memorial Day Color Guard Services and my not knowing TAPS had words. We moved into the apartment from hell (we didn't know it at the time) and went without internet for almost 2wks. I did manage to get a guest post to Allie. Then we found out it was the apartment from hell... I answered your questions. The toilet broke, my spirit broke, I ended up in the ER.

This month was not a truly happy month for me... but it is part of my life, part of my story, my journey. I shared about our 4th of July and told about the Dr.'s advice. I participated in my first and last all dressed up. We went to the State Fair, Hiked Diamond Head, and visited Sea Life Park. I wrote another guest post and I shared my 2nd "skinnie secret." Our living situation wasn't getting any better and the Doctor's couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, 3-5 nights a week I would become so sick I couldn't sleep or eat.

We went to the PCC despite me being sick. I got to meet-up with my first blogger! I finally shared with you all about my panic attacks.

Between my health issues, the apartment issues, and the (then) upcoming deployment... moving on base was a blessing. I ran huge giveaway celebrating my 25th birthday! We went on a CREDO Marriage Enrichment Retreat.

I got a job and volunteered for the base haunted house. My parents came to visit, it was wonderful having them around.

My anxiety issues snuck out once again, so not fun. I attended the Joint Spouses Conference and the 236th Marine Corps Ball. We celebrated Thankmus and I discussed rental homes.

My husband deployed, I traveled home and forgot a lot of things in the process, and tried not to feel sorry for myself at Christmas.


It's been a year of ups and downs... too many changes to count... tons of travel... and a lot of time at the doctors office with not as many answers as we'd like. I feel like I am getting better and then all of a sudden I'll have a panic attack in the middle of the night out of nowhere. I miss my husband terribly and he won't be back until well into this coming year, it's going to take a lot for me to hold everything together while trying to "fix" myself as far as my stress/anxiety levels go. But... 2012 is here now, there will be good and bad days and I'll do my best to focus on the positives!

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:9

Saturday, December 24, 2011

This Christmas

This Christmas will be... a very special Christmas indeed... why? Because.

Yes, just because. My husband may not be here, but it f I were to focus on that I would miss the entire meaning of Christmas... the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ! Without that there would be no CHRISTmas in the first place. =)

"For unto us a child is born,
   to us a son is given,
   and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
   Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
   Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."
~Isaiah 9:6

I happen to have a wonderful family as well... we've been attending lots of Christmas Events...

*I did get to hear my wonderful husband's voice, then it finally allowed skype's video to connect for a short time- what a Christmas blessing!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Since he left...

The past weeks have been quite crazy for me... With the exception of the scheduled post "The Goodbye," most of my posts were pretty short/random and almost all of the Monday: Pick-Me-Ups were scheduled due to pre-deployment and after-he-left-insanity. Then, my scheduled ones ran out and you get me just now realizing that there weren't any for the past two Mondays, I apologize! If I've learned anything that I can pass along to other (newer) milSpouses:

Do not under any circumstances think that traveling a mere three days after your husband deploys is a good idea.

It wasn't for me at least... d-day I did nothing but lay on the couch watching netflix movies. The second day I had to get my butt in gear to begin my laundry so I could pack and start cleaning the house before my trip. The day before my flight I was so overwhelmed emotionally with way too much left on my pre-trip "to-do" list that I stayed up into the early morning hours trying to get it all done... then I managed to have a complete breakdown in the waiting area at the airport complete with never-ending tears and a phone call to my dad. I arrived at my parents with no toiletries except deodorant & make-up, I managed to forget all closed-toed shoes except my purple & hot-pink Nikes and my blue TOMS, my books are still on my nightstand at home, and the kitchen counter is holding my dad's favorite Hawaiian treat (Caramacs) until my return. Talk about hot-mess.

Luckily my sister is nice and is letting me share her shampoo, conditioner, body-wash, and toothpaste. I bought a $1 loofah then decided with the cold temperatures (yes, it gets cold in Arizona) and all the rain in the forecast that I needed a pair of boots since my running shoes won't quite cut it for everyday wear or matching the wardrobe, not that I don't love purple & pink... and the TOMS aren't the greatest in the rain.

As for the deployment... my hubby's team got sent to a very remote location and is gone for days at a time. They don't have phones available to them and their internet is very spotty. I've skyped with him once before it froze their internet, tried it again a second time with just the voice, and since then it's just been the text-messenger. It's so weird only being able to essentially "text" with him once every 4-10 days. I am not a fan. My husband's job is why he is where he is, but I am trying so hard not to be jealous of the other wives/my friends in the detachment whose husband's got sent to the nicer sites with full wi-fi... the facebook status updates that say "got to skype with my hubby for 3hrs tonight" make me a little green with envy. It wouldn't be so bad if it were an occasional thing, but they are getting to do this nightly. All I get to see is an "I love you" pop-up in a little window on my computer, usually followed by "I've only got 5min." I apologize though, enough of my pity party... I know others who go months without a word...

I've been staying really busy with family/friends... decorating the Christmas tree, attending a Christmas boat parade, jogging, my sister's college graduation, my mom's women's group white elephant party, walking the dogs, my grandparents coming into town, a girl's night with my best friend, and much more. It's nice being here in a house that is bursting with life and emotions. It makes me weary thinking of my big 'ole empty house that I will return to shortly after the holidays. I feel like emotionally I am doing alright, the hardest thing for me is actually getting to sleep... 1, 2, 3am are becoming a regular "bedtime" and I know this isn't healthy. It partly has to do with the anxiety issue, partly the time zone change, and partly because I am a night owl.

Any bedtime routine advice?

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The Goodbye

This post has been delayed in order to comply with OPSEC...


It isn’t the first time she’s said goodbye, it won’t be the last.
It isn’t the first time she’s been alone, but it will be the longest so far.
The prior week was filled with “I love you’s” “Don’t go’s” and “Take me with you’s”
Today it was just “I love you, be safe, and I’ll see you soon.”

As he boarded that bus, that terrible-wonderful white bus, he waved one last goodbye.
He has left before, but never to war. God please keep him safe.
The tears slipped down her cheek as she turned back to her car.
She pulled into the driveway and walked through the front door.

Their home would now be her home. Their bed, hers alone.
She prays for comfort and guidance to navigate the months ahead,
She knows there’s no way she can do this without God, family, and friends.
Sitting down on the couch, tears and soft sobs come and go.

Where will he sleep? What will he eat? Will the locals treat him well?
Will there be a Chaplain there constantly praying for God’s protection all around?
Will I sleep? Is constantly cooking for one hard? Will my friends actually care?
Will I trust that God is on my side or constantly forget that he is there?

When the time is right, she picks herself up.
Opening all the blinds, letting the sunlight in,
She utters a wavering whisper- “I can do this,”
And the countdown to her lovers return begins.

These words are original, they are mine alone. PLEASE do not STEAL this, I wrote it the day my husband left. If you happen to see it floating around the internet with no credit/link back to my blog, let me know. I'd do the same for you.

Goodbye my love... I'll see you soon.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Monday: Pick-Me-Up

Went to the base chapel "Tree Lighting Ceremony" complete with the MarForPac Band & Christmas Carols!

 For some reason I didn't take a picture on my phone of the actual lighting... it's on my nice camera, but I'm being super lazy right now. Anyway, the tree is HUGE:

So how is your Monday going?
Are you getting into the Christmas Spirit?